Prince Charming Syndrome: How Society Sets Women Up for Romance Scams
Prince Charming: that age-old emblem of fairy tale romances that we've been spoon-fed since we were in diapers. The dashing savior of the damsel in distress. But what if I told you that this very image—romanticized, fantasized, and dreamt about—is what's making adult women everywhere the perfect prey for smooth romance scammers?
Those childhood fairy tales didn't warn us about this plot twist.
The Numbers are Painful
The 2023 report by the Federal Trade Commission showed that consumers reported losing $1.3 billion in 2022 to romance scams—ouch. And, while the data does show that both men and women fall victim, women lose twice as much money as men. Double ouch. This chart from the FTC shows the most common scamming lies.
So, Why Us?
Society has a way of weaving narratives and setting expectations, especially for women. And when it comes to women’s messaging, it's often about how we’re rescued, taken care of, or wooed by the perfect man. And what that happens, our life will be just…perfect! This ingrained expectation—that love will swoop in and change our lives—can make us vulnerable. Then, in swoops the scammer, pretending to be that "perfect man" that we’ve been waiting for.
Dating App Woes
Modern dating apps have become the breeding ground for these scams. And, before you jump to thinking, "Ah, that’s a millennial problem!", think again. A majority of these reported scams were from women aged 40-69. Yes, Karen, even the more 'seasoned' amongst us aren't immune. And according to the New York Times, romance scams claimed $139 million in 2020 from adults age 60 and up in 2020. Why? Because older people have more wealth to scam from.
The Socialization Factor
As we talk about in our book, women are socialized from a young age to be nurturers, caregivers, and compromisers. We’re taught to be understanding, to give second chances, to see the best in people and essentially - to be the world’s Swiss Army knife – solving the problems of everyone we encounter. And while these are all beautiful qualities, they can also make us susceptible. Women are loathe to leave someone in peril (except ourselves). So, we're more likely to ignore red flags, wire money to “someone in need,' or lured into revealing personal details that can then be fed back to us and exploited.
This isn’t the Blame Game
The goal here isn’t to play the blame game. But we want you to keep a sense of awareness. When you understand the origins of our vulnerabilities, you can arm yourself better. Recognize that Prince Charming doesn’t need your bank account details to buy a plane ticket. He's got a kingdom, remember?
Rise and Protect
Here are some steps you can take to make sure that you don’t wake up from an evil spell to an empty bank account.
Trust your gut, your safety intuition. If something feels off, it probably is. If you’re not sure, check with a trusted bestie or family member.
Keep personal and financial information close to the chest.
Never send money, especially if you’ve never met in person.
Be a flirty detective! Do some investigative work. Google their photos, check their stories. Let's turn the table and play some Cinderella CSI!
While those old-school stories may have taught us to wait for our glass slipper moment, it's time we also equip ourselves with some armor. Because in this modern tale, Cinderella doesn’t just sit and wait. She rises, educates, and protects herself, her money and her sisters.
